Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
