I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
