I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
