Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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