We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
