Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
