Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
