I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
