Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
