I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
