im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
