you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
