***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
