the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
