I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
