I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
