did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
BRING THE BAGELS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
