we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
