Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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