I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
