I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
