speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
