the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
