Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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