What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
