I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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