and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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