I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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