that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
