so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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