It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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