Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
