Your face is a jimmy john
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
