We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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