how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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