Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
