Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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