Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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