God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
