Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
