i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
