How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
