I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
