When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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