it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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