why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
