you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
