You just made me feel so damn special
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
