Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
