Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sober January is a disaster.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
