my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
