You work out of a Hotel?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
