My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
